Joshua Snodin

Shy! But why? 5 ½ things to try for more confident dates

Shyness is part of each and every one of us (okay except for Russell Brand)! Whether a man or a woman, we all share the same fears, doubts and insecurities. And let’s face it – isn't it frustrating to live in the stereotypes and expectations rooted in us by society? Men are supposed to be the proactive ones regarding dating and this can be really stressful – knowing that you always need to make the first move. For women, it can be even worse. They feel a lack of control over their love life, because in the end the choice is narrowed down to the men who have (already) approached them. How limiting…

If you consider yourself a “shrinking violet” and you can’t even remember the last good date you had, well, we might have a problem here! Have a look at some points of tremendous importance when you need to get over your shy self, no matter your age.

1. Work on yourself – you know it’s never enough! If you feel like you cannot hold a good conversation with someone, it actually might be the case. But no worries, you just have to feel comfortable enough with talking about different topics and building an opinion. The you might lack the latter, due to the overly busy life you (and most of us) live. But it's OK. Start with reading more diverse literature –  biographies, history. Try audio books – that is for the lazy ones or those whose  too tired eyes are already too tired after work (I feel you!). Even in the lonely nights – drop the romantic comedies and go for documentaries. Do you know who the Medici family was and what they’ve accomplished in Italy? Beat the shyness with confidence!

Read more: Charm your dates by mastering the art of flirting

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2. Be positive and smile more! This is so simple but something we all tend to forget. It is often easier to hide in our shells and look at our feet while walking rather than exchanging smiles with random people on the street. Reminder – if you are too shy to talk to people, your unfriendly face will not make them feel more comfortable to start talking to you. Make yourself approachable

3. Don't fear rejection! Yes, getting out of your comfort zone is scary. Yes, even if you dare to ask someone out, they might say no. Or even worse – say yes and then never get back to you. At the end you might say: “OK, I tried once, it didn’t work out, so now I am giving up because it is not worth the embarrassment!” But no, you have to push yourself. It might be uncomfortable or demotivating, but you might end up conquering the heart of your perfect match, especially if they are as shy as you were!

4. Fake it until you make it. Adding to this last point, here is some scientific proof:  you just have to pretend that you are confident enough whilst talking to “potential” lovers. This one is easier than you think! Try the “power posing” tactic of Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy, which can help you overcome your shyness not only at work or for an interview, but also in your dating life. Start talking to people and trick your mind through your body language that in fact, you are feeling perfectly comfortable with the situation and that you are in charge of it. 

5. Last but not least – Try online dating! Let’s face it – most of your friends have tried it (even if they do not admit it), and it’s a new and simple way to get to know other singles around you. The good thing about it: making the initial connection with someone is left out and you can start to contact potential partners easily and without barriers. If you are looking for a serious, long-term relationship, you can try it for free right away by registering here. 

Read more: Find love locally - there are singles up and down the UK waiting to meet you

Did you know that every 8 minutes a single finds love through our services?* Thousands of singles around you are searching for a partner right now. Who knows, today might be your lucky day! 

Remember that you will find love in the end, and by working on your confidence and removing the shy version of yourself you will become much more attractive to those around you. Who knows – maybe you will find your someone special very soon!

½ - If none of the above helped, pour yourself a drink. Now think - how much more is out there for you to conquer? What better than your own shyness limits?!


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