How to Flirt Online: Charming Through Conversation

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Have you seen a profile on EliteSingles that has taken your interest, but are unsure of how to approach your intended? Initiating conversation online with someone unknown can be a daunting prospect. Have no fear EliteSingles is here to help.

With advice from dating expert Kimberly Seltzer, (CEO and owner of EliteImageMakeovers), EliteSingles has put together how to flirt online guide – just the thing to help you master the secrets of magnetism.

No body language – no problem!

Perhaps your first query in how to flirt online is how to let someone know that you are attracted to them without the use of body language? How will you strike up an instant connection, the sort found in a twinkle of an eye or a soft touch to the arm, when you are hidden behind a computer screen.

This is not a reservation without substance, studies show that body language accounts for 55% of flirtatious behaviour.1 However, through conversation we are able to get to know one another on a deeper level. Begin to view conversation as the key to unlocking the heart of your intended. Without being able to use our flirtatious body language skills, our hopes for developing a relationship with that special someone online lie in our ability to charm through conversation.

READ MORE: How to make a long distance relationship work

Prepare to share

The first step to creating a connection with someone online is in the preparation of your opening conversation topic. Kimberly Seltzer suggests taking the time to “look for clues in the profile, subjects you want to talk about or share stories with.”2 With this in mind, you can start the conversation with something that will take their interest. Ask them a question or comment on why you were drawn to their profile. Do you have similar hobbies, lifestyles, goals? Remember to keep it lighthearted and fun, no one wants an interrogation from a stranger.

For a first flirty message, Jo Barnett, a dating coach and author of Get A Date Now! advises to, “Keep it short and confident; always be positive and flattering. Pick up something from their profile and comment on that.”3 Try something like, ‘Hey, I noticed that you love animals. Me too! Have you got any pets?’

READ MORE: How to get over your ex – The three rules to move on

Become a good listener

A Harvard University study has found that the reward centres in our brain (which induce feelings of pleasure), are more active when we talk about ourselves.4 So, it is understandable that after sending an impressive first message, you may be tempted to spend most of your time talking about yourself. You want to let your recipient know how great you are, right? So, they will be more attracted to you? Wrong. When flirting online, view this approach as a big No-No.

Instead, continue to ask questions which will prompt them to talk about themselves, creating a natural flow of conversation between the two of you. This way they will have a more pleasurable experience and will remember feeling positive when chatting with you.

READ MORE: How to stop comparing yourself to others and their relationships

Be playful and have fun

You’re now in the full swing of conversation, but still getting to know one another. You may start second-guessing what you should be saying. Seltzer advises that the best way to flirt online is to “engage in playful [messages] that elicit a teasing and fun interaction…use wit and humour. Keep it short and sweet, but enough so that person wants more.’’

Perhaps you want to tell a joke, but you’re concerned your recipient won’t find it funny. In this instance, it is best to not over-think it. As long as you’re sure that your joke isn’t offensive, go ahead, be hilarious. A sense of humour could ignite your romantic relationship. By keeping the conversation lighthearted and playful, your recipient will associate talking to you with having a fun time.

READ MORE: What is the secret to a healthy relationship?

Just be yourself

Despite the need to invest some effort into flirting there is no need to try too hard. Seltzer says, “The more you come from a place of authenticity to start a conversation, the better off you are. That can make the other person feel comfortable as well.’’ Ultimately, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, just be genuine.

Ready to start flirting? Sign up to EliteSingles today!


1 Social Issues Research Centre. (Date unknown). ‘SIRC Guide to Flirting’. Found at
2 All Kimberly Seltzer quotes from an exclusive 2013 interview with EliteSingles. Kimberly Seltzer, dating and makeover expert, CEO and owner of EliteImageMakeovers
3 All Jo Barnett quotes from an exclusive 2013 interview with EliteSingles.
4 Tamir, D.I., and Mitchell, J.P. (2012). ‘Disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding’. PNAS. Found at

About the author: Esther Moriarty

Esther Moriarty is an editor for EliteSingles.

See more articles written by Esther Moriarty