23.11.2016

Meant to be? Six essential relationship questions to test the water

Worried that you and your partner might not be on the same page? Querying your compatibility is a common predicament, and one you shouldn’t fear. To help you understand each other a little better, we’ve listed some essential relationship questions to gauge whether you’re both in tune.

Asking a relationship question; why bother?

First things first, why should we even entertain the thought of quizzing our partners (and ourselves) over compatibility? Can being overly inquisitive end up backfiring and pushing a partner away? Yes, it’s true that you’ve got to exercise caution and steer clear of interrogation!

READ MORE: Learn how to stop comparing yourself to others and their relationships

Yet it’s still important to know where you stand. Asking relationship questions is especially pertinent if you’re in a new relationship as it’ll give you an idea as to whether things are heading in the right direction.

Do you make an effort to get to know each other’s families?

Taking an interest in your partner’s familial set-up is another hallmark of a robust relationship. Similarly, does your beloved make an effort when it comes to your nearest and dearest? Bear in mind here that ‘effort’ means much more than the occasional comment your loved ones’ well being.

This is particularly pressing if you’re a single parent. Does your partner actively make time to engage with your children? Or do you get the feeling they feel neglected when you spend time with your kids? The significance of this can’t be understated, especially as your family are with you for life!

Are you able to make compromises for one and other?

Another crucial component of any healthy relationship is the ability of both parties to make compromises. This means accepting that your partner has needs that have to be met, and sometimes these may come into conflict with yours. Conversely, your partner also needs to be sensitive to the fact you have certain requirements too.

READ MORE: Essential first date questions to get the conversation flowing!

Communication is essential here as it’ll help you both realise what’s working, and what’s not. A word of warning: be careful not to kowtow to your partner’s wishes at the flick of a switch. Not only does this put you at risk of being taken advantage off, it also breeds resentment and bitterness, two extremely corrosive feelings.

Are you being enabled?

As far as relationship questions go, this one might sound a little cryptic. But it’s possibly one of the most pressing on this list. Love is all about growth, moving forwards together and feeling fulfilled by each other.

Ask yourself how your partner reacts when you’ve achieved something; does it seem genuine? Do you feel like they back you when you make a decision and are they there to motivate you? Whether it’s pursuing a new hobby or seeking out success in your career, you need to know that your partner is in your corner of the ring.  Similarly, how important is it for you to see your partner excel in life? 

Do you argue?

Believe it or not, there are couples that manage to navigate through years of wedded bliss without even engaging in the slightest of tiffs. However, for the vast majority of us the occasional barney is something of an inevitability. It’s important not to see this as a blemish on your relationship; happy couples do argue.

Moreover, the odd disagreement shows that you’re both able to talk freely about your connection and share your opinions. Excessive or violent arguments are not OK and should be a sign for concern. Conversely, too much passivity can also be a stumbling block. 

How do you and your partner resolve conflict?

This relationship question is closely linked to the former; having an argument is all well and good, but it’s how you make a mends that really counts. Many relationship problems stem from being unable to find workable solutions that suit the two of you. It’s a good sign if your partner pays attention to your concerns and is eager to reach consensus.

READ MORE: What’s the score with playing hard to get?

But there are some obvious red flags. Huffing is an age-old tactic that can be used in a manipulative manner. Many a controlling relationship will be bedraggled by stories of sulking, some stints of which can last for days on end. What’s more, saying ‘I love you’ to gloss over an argument and leaving the issue unresolved isn’t ideal either. 

Are you able to spend time apart?

I you’ve ever experienced a long-distance relationship you’ll know how much effort has to go into keeping regular contact and building trust. But if you’re in each other’s company more often than not, it’s imperative to make sure you spend time apart. Personal space is a premium nowadays and it’s something that you and your beloved must be attuned to. Otherwise, the risk of stifling the relationship is very real.

Another relevant relationship question to pose is related to how often you think about your partner when you’re apart. Are they on your mind or does being separated come like a breath of fresh air? If it feels like the latter In fact, it could be a telling sign that you’re falling out of love and that it could be time to move on.

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