Esther Moriarty, 10.02.2016

How to overcome the dating blues of being single on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and the world begins to revolve around the festival of lovers over the next few days. If you’re single and feeling down, EliteSingles psychologist Salama Marine gives us her advice on how to fight off the dating blues.

It becomes a balancing act to avoid couples who are madly in love or romantic adverts and news stories, when you are single on Valentine’s Day. Around this time of year, many singles may feel annoyed or frustrated that all around them are celebrations of coupledom. If you’re single on Valentine’s Day you may even feel excluded or stigmatized for not having a partner.

Salama Marine describes this feeling as having ‘dating blues’. She says that there are usually two scenarios which can lead to having the 'dating blues’.

Dating Blues No.1

“Singles who claim to have already given up their search for love but don’t manage to get the best out of their celibacy. They find it hard to be satisfied with their present situation, even if they have chosen it.”

Dating Blues No.2

“Singles who are looking for a new partner but who say, ‘I always fall for the wrong person.’ These singles have lost hope that they will find the right person one day.”

These two spirals of negativity do not help with coping in this very intense period. Valentine's Day falls a few weeks after many singles have taken New Year’s resolutions, and the resolution "to end my celibacy" is very often one of them. However, despite the motivation and hope that may have been felt at the beginning of the year, by the time of Valentine’s Day many singles have the ‘dating blues.’

In 2015, we conducted a study with our members to find out how they felt about Valentine’s Day. 75% of those interviewed said that February 14th is a difficult time for them because they fear being alone on Valentine’s Day; 27% said that there are too many romantic advertisements and news stories; and 12% said that they were fed up of their friend’s giving them dating advice.

How to get rid of the ‘dating blues’

First of all it’s necessary to take a step back. If you are feeling down, know that this is very normal, January and February have always been months of miserable emotions. However, Salama advises that you take on a “personal or professional challenge, setting up a new project, we all tackle the dating blues differently, but find something that makes you feel better.”

Ask yourself the right questions

Are you tired of being single, but you’re doing your best to end your celibacy? Salama says that, “Finding love is an active process, meeting new people increases your chances of finding the right person. It’s simply mathematical.

Paulo Coelho, in his novel Brida describes the search for a soulmate with optimism,

“But how will I know who my soulmate is? Brida felt that this was one of the most important questions she had ever asked in her life. By taking risks’ she said to Brida. ‘By risking failure, disappointment, disillusion. But never ceasing in your search for love. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end.”

By keeping these words in your mind, you can overcome your past relationship failures and missed opportunities. Salama says, “True love will come to you at the right time, but it is important to continue your journey.

Take control

You are the one who has your life in your hands. Salama advises to:

Have a life rich in activities that stimulate you, be surrounded by friends who love you, have projects that you are passionate about, all these will help to build your dating confidence and protect your ego. Your ego should be massaged in times of celibacy. Why? Because feeling loved and satisfied with your what you’ve achieved are essential elements for singles to have the right mindset for new encounters. Ask yourself, would you like you go on a date with you? If you find something that prevents you from saying yes, it’s probably time to take control and improve what you want to improve according to your own criteria.”

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