Dating after Divorce – Preparing for the new stage in your life
Getting a divorce is probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to go through. So, it’s no wonder that you may be nervous to re-enter the intimidating world of dating. Hilda’s advice is here to help you feel ready to start dating after divorce.
Let go of the past
Going through a divorce is a serious and emotionally draining experience that can be hard to move on from even for the toughest of divorcees.
Hilda advises that, “the only way to move forward from any traumatic event is to let go of the past.” However, she does not mean by 'letting go' to forget, to try and mentally erase the past. Rather, to let go is to understand what has happened and to accept it as something you have been through in part of your life. Only then will you be able to focus on the present and on dating after divorce.
READ MORE: Hilda’s advice on how to stop comparing yourself to others and their relationships
"Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom." - Hannah Arendt
One of the first steps to letting go of your past relationship is to not punish yourself for what went wrong in the marriage to cause it to come to an end.
Hilda recognises that, “Letting go of a marriage invariably involves forgiveness.” She believes that first and foremost you need to forgive yourself. “How many of us beat ourselves up following a break-up about what we did/didn’t do, what we should have done etc? Many people who are going through a divorce may blame themselves for deciding to get married or even for having been in the relationship in the first place. This is fruitless. It’s destructive and keeps us locked in a space where we’re avoiding what’s really going on.”
Hilda believes that many divorcees do this to avoid letting go of the past relationship and to not submit to the grief following a break-up. Before you start dating after divorce, time is needed to grieve and to reassess who you are, what has happened and what you now want to do.
READ MORE: Interested in meeting mature singles? Try mature dating with EliteSingles.